On accessing an alternate identity!
Disclaimer: Image used for illustrative purpose only, I do not own any rights to it. Image originally appears on the Oct.2002 cover of Gotham Knights comic book series. To all DC fans, my advance apologies in case they spot an error in anything I have quoted.
Identity is a word that has come up a lot in coaching and in my workshops recently. I had explored one aspect of this in an article not so long ago. Superheroes from movies provide a great parallel for how we operate in our lives. Let’s use Batman and Bruce Wayne to understand this.
Both of them have the good of Gotham in their heart, in their own way. Bruce Wayne creates wealth, enterprise, jobs and commits to philanthropy. His flamboyance is actually his mask where he doesn’t want people to see him only that way. Bruce though, has limitations. He cannot do anything about the lawlessness and crime that is increasing in Gotham. Values associated with his identity don’t give him any choice in acting against those challenges. He is limited, in that sense.
It is at times like these, that Batman as an identity emerges as a useful alternative. Batman works in the shadows, literally and metaphorically. He is willing to walk the uncertain path of vigilantism and doesn’t mind with breaking rules, as long as the ends towards justice are met. He conveniently crosses the line of law as long as it suits him to catch criminals and bring them to justice. He has no rules and no jurisdiction.
Now we all know Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same person, and yet one identity is only so good up to a distance. Beyond that, another identity has to arise that can embody what it takes to get to a different place. Batman cannot come back and run a multi-billion dollar corporation, and nor can Bruce Wayne go out for a night of vigilante justice.
As complicated as these might be in movie storylines, these are mere simplifications of real life. One might think, which one is the true person? That’s a conflict often posed to us at the end of the movies, juxtaposing the counter narratives of the two identities as good and bad. But these are just labels, according to me. In reality, all of us have shades of Batman and Bruce Wayne within us, and it is important to not get stuck with one identity. There are different identities waiting to be explored, but rarely tapped into, or deliberately used.
A different perspective is to consider an identity as clothes you might wear. Shorts and tees are good for a beach, whereas a party requires a different and more formal dress code. The person wearing the clothes is the same. But our behaviour, actions, speaking and thoughts adapt slightly as we change clothes and the occasion we are at.
Behavioural flexibility is at the crux of Neuro Linguistic Programming. But it is one thing to tell people to have flexibility – and totally another on how to help people access it!!
In our course, yesterday, one of our participants discovered that she held the identity of a “failure” while attempting to market her courses for children. Digging deeper, she got in touch with the identity of a “contributor” – something that fulfils the purpose of her existence on this planet. From this identity, it was possible for her to access freedom, openness and going all out to promote her work and its impact on children! And just like that, with everything else still being the same, more choices opened up, and she rattled off a couple of opportunities that she now knew she would pursue.
Another participant was able to tap into the identity of Naruto!! I did not now know that Naruto is a character from Japanese Manga comics! But tapping into Naruto allowed her to be confident – more importantly she dropped a belief that “impressing is important” and “influencing is bad”! The new belief she picked up was “I am confident I can do anything in life!”
Our identities are not cast in stone – it seems that way because we do everything that fits our current identity, thinking that it’s the only one we have got. But when it is time to grow, or to challenge ourselves, the earlier identity feels insufficient. But we don’t make that distinction; instead we think we are insufficient or inadequate. We try to look for gaps in what we can do. Performance, eventually is a function of goal, not activity. If your aim is to be a national champion, that will shape your identity differently than if you are aiming to win an Olympic gold medal.
It is high time we recognize this – and learn to dissociate with the only identity we have ever known. Instead, let’s step into another identity that allows us to go in the new direction we have set for ourselves!
If this is something you’d like to learn or try on, just reach out!